Unconditional Love


When I first started this blog five years ago it was to document Tristan’s time at Westminster School as he left home at age 15. The blog evolved as Aidan left home and it changed even more as I started to capture the daily events of all the brothers, including Dallyn. The boys all have their own distinct personalities, but they also share some very similar traits. They all are quiet people, not wanting to be the center of of attention. They do well at school, but are not child prodigies, just hard working boys in the classroom. They all love their video games and movies. They rarely fight and the physical altercations among them are very rare. When they are all together it is awesome to see how well they get along.

As Tristan and Aidan have grown up they have spent so much time away from home. They have turned into independent young men. They are able to navigate themselves at school, with their teachers and their coaches. I believe in the five years with both of them away I have spoken to a total of two teachers about academics. The two of them have taken the responsibility for their academics and have acted admirably.

I love my boys and I miss Tristan and Aidan so much when they are away. It never really hits hard unless I consciously  think about them being away. When I am busy it is easiest. My mind is somewhere else and I can concentrate at the task at hand. Not so easy when I am idle. It has not been easy lately. Since Aidan has left, about four weeks ago, Aidan has rarely spoken to us. Tracey did see him when we were in Syracuse a few weeks ago, but his contact with us has been minimal. This is not the first time Aidan has backed away from contact. He did the same last year when he was in lacrosse season and was working though an injury. He wanted time and space to figure things out on his own. It seems he is in the same frame of mind now. Maybe it has something to do with his hasty departure from home to go back to school. Something is amiss. All reports from Williston are positive and he seems on track at school. Maybe this is a minor blip in the big picture of life.

I guess in the Parent Handbook I received when the kids were born they missed the chapter on how to deal with your children when they do not want to talk to you. I can tell you I am not dealing with it well. Tracey is so much better about this than I am. I know it hurts her, but she is so willing to give Aidan space and allow him time to work it out on his own. This does not sit well for me because I always want a response. I need the communication and it makes me sick that I can not hear his voice at this time. I can not even get a text message or a comment on Facebook. It bothers me even more because Tracey, who has always been there for Aidan, can not get anything from Aidan.

I am the father and I am suppose to fix everything. I guess in this case I need to step back and hope that within time things work itself out. I love Aidan and all my kids unconditionally. As difficult as this is for me and how frustrated I am, the love continues. This is not easy to write. I putting this out there because it is therapeutic. I need to share my thoughts. It makes me feel a tiny bit better. I can remember myself at 19 and life was far from clear. Take a deep breath and believe in your kids.

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