Bless This Beautiful Dog!

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There have been so many better words written about dogs than I will ever write here today, but I will do my best to pay tribute to Chester. Beautiful Chester is struggling these days as he battles his diabetes and now blindness. The once nimble dog is running into walls, stumbling and is disoriented. He still wags his tail, is eating well and enjoys a warm tummy rub. I am hopeful he stays more healthy than sick for the near future.

Chester is over 12 years old, coming to us when the boys were 13, 11 and 7. He grew up with us when the kids were growing up. When he was little they were just kids. Then the boys all went away to school and whenever they came back home they were so excited to see Chester. He remained the constant in the house loving them unconditionally as they returned after months away. I would think that if there was one silver lining in the current pandemic crisis is that all the boys are home with Chester now, ready to lend a hand, ease him down the stairs, give him a hug, share a treat and just chill out with him.

Life has changed so much lately as Tracey and I find different paths for our lives. However, one thing is certain. Even though Chester is a family dog, Chester was all in on Tracey and Tracey was all in on Chester. Those two are inseparable. Chester underwent two ACL surgeries and required constant care. He needed assistance to get outside to do go do his business. Tracey was up, in the worst of weather, taking him out in his harness so he would not slip and damage his leg, Now with his diabetes he needs insulin shots from Tracey to stay healthy. The incredible devotion to Chester that Tracey has shown is all about love for that dog. We enjoyed so many runs with Chester through the river valley as he jumped into the river and ran through the bushes. But we always knew who Chester followed. It was Tracey. She was the one with him the majority of time, making sure he got his exercise. He would return after swimming in the North Saskatchewan River and it was Tracey who would wash him down and get the dirt out of his hair. She would clip his head to get the hair out of his eyes. Clip his butt so the poop would not clump on his body. Chester’s best friend in the world, there is no doubt is Tracey. It was Tracey who made sure he had all his food, had his checkups and had his runs.

Chester was a gift from me to Tracey for her birthday. Before we got Chester, Tracey did so much research to figure out what kind of dog she wanted. Once she narrowed down what she wanted she picked Chester out of the available dogs. It was love at first sight for her. For 12 years she has loved every part of him and his heart is definitely hers. The rest of us love Chester, but we know who his favorite is. There never was a doubt from day one.

Do not get me wrong. Chester could be a pain. His food possession issues could turn him into a growling devil that only Tristan was able to solve. He had a mind of his own at times and would not always come on command. He would put up with the cats to a certain level, but eventually when he got pissed off enough he would chase them and pin them down to let them know who was the boss. He would never hurt them, just scare them enough to leave him alone for a bit.

The boys are all adults now. They have grown to men during Chester’s lifetime. Chester continues to contribute to the family energy. He is family. It is powerful what a pet can bring to a family and Chester’s presence is so strong. He still has the ability to bring the child out of the boys as they carefully play with him now. He has the ability to make us laugh and cry. We all love him so much. Thank you Chester.

Tristan – A Quarter Century of Hits!

Tristan, a quarter century has hit. Happy birthday young man. Your sensitive heart that you had as a child remains as does your low-key approach to life. This, by my count, is your ninth birthday you are celebrating in the US. So many birthdays away from home. The quarter century has seen you travel the world. You met some wonderful people at Westminster and Lehigh. And who can forget those crazy Australians that took you in as one of their own. Alan Lewer and Greg Mollison welcoming you into the Australian lacrosse family. You have played lacrosse all over North America playing for amazing coaches that have provided guidance to you; Jimmy Quinlan, Russ Sheppard, Peter Newman, Tim Joncas, Andrew McBride, Derek Keenan, Kevin Cassese.

Your Lehigh lacrosse classmates will always be your extended family and those roommates of yours, Andrew, Zach, Eddie and Mickey will always have your back. The Lehigh families were there to lend a hand when your family was unable to make it to Lehigh.

You have been an excellent big brother to Aidan and Dallyn. You have quietly supported Aidan, never being judgmental; giving him praise on his decisions. You have been there for Dallyn telling him that he will forge his own path when he could have been disappointed in the setbacks. This gave him confidence to move to other options.

Your heart is soft and even though you do not always share your feelings I know that it hurts some days. You have been the unknown underdog in so many situations, always working without fanfare to be recognized. It has taken some serious work to get to where you are today, and you never feared a tough challenge. That work ethic will serve you well in the future.

Enjoy your 25th birthday. Chase your dreams. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings and express your hopes and fears. The last quarter century has seen you grow up into a confident young man. More hills and valleys await you but take them head on as you always have. Remember your family is always here for you to share your burdens. We love you immensely and hope to see you very soon.

Remember When?

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Remember when everything seemed simpler. Kids were younger, knees were scraped, arms were bruised and the house was full of noise. Remember when skates had to be tied, dinners were on the run and knapsacks were on the floor. Remember when college was a dream, high school was on the horizon and the social life revolved around sleepovers. Time stands for no one. Did I really expect that time would halt so I could bottle it up, put a cap on it and save it forever?

There definitely is a lot of self reflection these days. Tristan is months past his graduation from Lehigh. Aidan is three years into college, forging his path forward with more focus and direction. Dallyn’s detour to prep school is nearing and end and his short term future is starting to come together.

As a parent I find myself in assessment mode. How many different times did I totally screw things up with my kids? I find myself totally consumed at times with thoughts of failure as a father. I am sure that I am not alone as a parent thinking about these things. Maybe watching my three boys I see adults now that don’t require as much guidance as they once did. Yes, there still are times they reach out for a hand, but not with the regularity they did several years ago. Self-pity? Probably. A realization that these boys aren’t children any more and me feeling a bit more alone in this world as they start to separate themselves from the nest. There is an empty feeling in my soul, but also a small feeling of accomplishment as the boys have started to make a place in the world for themselves.

I miss all three of them as little boys and the pure joy they would provide me through their innocence. I miss those days so very much. Dallyn was the baby for so long and now he is 19 years old. Aidan is 22 and Tristan 24. Wow, what happened? I turned my head for a second and they grew up. I know that as young adults their focus is on the future. At 53, my focus is changing as I have one eye looking in the past and one looking to the future. I know you can’t live in the past and that is the challenge now. This may be my middle age moment. Shifting away from the old memories and building new ones.

So let’s raise our glasses and toast the wonderful times we had when the kids were younger. The peaks and valleys were worth it. Let’s also toast the future and the joys that await us. To the endless opportunities and challenges that we will meet head on. We definitely come a long ways through green pastures and muddy fields. I do remember those wonderful times when we were all younger, but I also am ready to embrace the future, feeling a bit older and a lot more appreciative of what I have.

Why Do the US Elections Matter to Me?

I went to school at Dartmouth and lived in the United States for four years. I barely remember who the United States President was at the time. I was at Dartmouth when the Challenger Space Shuttle exploded and I do remember President Reagan’s speech to the country after the crew of the Challenger were lost. I think most people look to their leaders in a time of crisis and a Canadian on American soil I too watched the speech that many people today look back as one of Reagan’s best moments. He brought the country together in a time of terrible tragedy. Beyond that I did not get involved in American politics and very few of the people that I socialized with spoke about politics. I did find out early in my time at Dartmouth that Americans believed in their country and the strength of the United States of America. It was hard to ignore those sentiments.

Today things are much different for me. For the past few years, since the rise of Donald Trump, I have been consumed by American politics. The non-stop cable TV watching of CNN and MSNBC has become a part of my life. I barely even know what is going on in Canadian politics. Why does this matter so much to me?

I am not sure there is one specific reason. There are so many different factors at work. First there is family. Obviously having Dallyn and Tristan going to school in the U.S. is a significant reason for my passion. Tristan is turning 24 years old in January and this is his eighth year living south of the border. Almost one third of his life has been spent in the U.S. This is Dallyn’s second year living in the U.S. and Aidan lived in the U.S. for over five years. When Barack Obama was the President I was not as focused on the ins and outs of American politics. Maybe because Obama’s quiet leadership of the country made me comfortable. You can argue about Obama’s effectiveness, but I will say he did keep things on a level basis without significant turmoil. I did not feel that every day was going to bring more worldwide drama.

Second, Canada and the United States are suppose to be friends. For years the two countries have been working together on issues to resolve problems. Canada has always been here to help and support the United States. Now to hear Donald Trump bad mouth Canada and the NAFTA trade agreement that served both countries so well is offensive to me. Canada has stood side by side with the United States when asked. Our soldiers have gone into battle as allies and just look at Afghanistan as proof of the sacrifices our country has made to assist the United States. Do trade agreements need to be reviewed? Definitely, but remember Canada stands beside America not against it.

Third, is safety. There is no way to hide from the feelings that every day in the United States is the potential of another mass shooting. It is absolutely unbelievable that the modern country of the United States suffers from an epidemic of gun violence that paralyzes the entire nation. How does the most powerful country in the world not fix this serious problem? Yes, the second amendment. I know all about it, but what about just simple common sense? Does any of that matter to Americans? I think it does, but it seems the majority of people can not make a change. From the outside the political system seems not just broken but demolished. When you have kids attending school in the U.S. this is not an issue that you can run away from. After the shooting at the Pittsburgh synagogue, Tristan made the comment that he needs to get out of the country. I am not sure he was ready to leave that moment, but it is hard to ignore those feelings.

Fourth, is immigration. I am a first generation Canadian. My grandfather came to this country 90 years ago. He then went back to India to get his wife and daughter (my mother) to bring them to Canada. The sacrifices that my grandparents and my mother made to become Canadian are unbelievable. I remember being a young boy and going with my grandfather as he delivered firewood to the campsites in his truck. He worked hard each and every day as did my grandmother. Then my mother went back to India as an adult, married my father and then brought him to Canada. My father was a teacher and my mother a nurse. Never did they ask for a handout and they contributed to the community. Immigrants are not the enemy. If anything they add to the fabric of the country and bring economic value. Why have we arrived in this place where there is so much anger and hate towards immigrants trying to better their lives?

The recent elections mattered to me. I watched carefully this past couple of weeks because I am invested in the United States. I want to see people who are ready to make changes that serve the people of the U.S and keep the country safe. The eyes of the world follow the lead of the U.S. and right now from my perspective it seems the country is ready to tear itself apart. The divisions that exist are creating a chasm that the current President is not prepared to bridge. I am hopeful that the newly elected officials will start to make the change to a more civil conversation on the issues at hand. It matters to me, even if I live North of the 49th parallel. There is too much at stake.

Look Who is 18!!!

Eighteen freaking years. Eighteen fun, exciting, sad, happy, frustrating, joyous years. Happy Birthday Little Dallyn who is not so little anymore. Your 18^th birthday and you are spending it away from us. There has been a lot of smiles and a lot of miles over those 18 years and has it ever been a fun ride. There were days when I woke up and felt you grew an inch overnight. Watching you and your brothers mature has been bitter sweet. I love seeing all of you being independent, but I terribly miss those days when the three of you were all playing together out in the backyard. Time stands still for no one. I wish I could bottle up those memories and have them to experience, but life does not work like that. Life moves on and before you know it your youngest son is 18 years old.

Enjoy your day Dallyn. Mom and Dad love you so much. 18 freaking years!

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Different Directions

Snow is falling in Edmonton and the cold weather of Fall up north means school is back in session. For Tristan it is finally the senior year of college at Lehigh. For Aidan, it is a start all over again as he is studying at Grant MacEwan University in Edmonton. Dallyn is at Choate for high school in his Junior year. All the boys moving in different directions with little no real confirmed long term destination.

Tristan. It has been a long journey. Eight years ago he left for Westminster School. Four years there, then a gap year. Finished three years at Lehigh and now into his fourth and final year. Lots of miles traveled during that time. All the travel between the schools and home, two summers playing in Whitby, Ontario, one summer in Victoria, BC, one summer in Burnaby, BC. There was the trip to Australia to tryout for the Team Australia Indoor Lacrosse team. Hope the kid signed up for air miles.

Aidan. His journey brought him home. Always the one that cherished his own space at home, he is back. Aidan spent one year at Cardigan Mountain School, then four years at Williston Northampton School, then a gap year at home before going to Ithaca College for half a year. It was not a good fit at Ithaca so Aidan made his way back. He entered the workforce in January 2018 doing manual labor in a steel shop. The pay was great, but the overall work was tough and demanding. He knew he wanted to get back to school and just a few days ago started back at University. There is no certain objective, but it is nice to see him back at school, comfortable and in a good frame of mind.

Dallyn. Back at Choate for his second year at the school in his Junior year. Last year it took Dallyn some time to settle in at Choate, but ended up doing well academically and on the lacrosse field. He had a great summer playing lacrosse and seeing his friends from home. Going back to Choate, I sensed more confidence and comfort in Dallyn. Not going into an unknown situation definitely helps. No football this year for Dallyn as he made the decision that that he is going to use the Fall to work out and get stronger. Still little Dallyn in our minds, but he sure grew up a lot in the last 12 months.

All three of the boys are moving in different directions still uncertain of what their plans will be. The paths were much more defined when they were younger and I knew exactly where they were going to be the next year. That certainty is no longer there. Decision making is starting to move from parents to child. We still have some say as none of the three are financially independent, but the level of persuasion is not as strong as it used to be. As they move in their different directions I just want to be a spectator and enjoy the ride. If they could only move without requiring my assistance that would be perfect, but we are not quite there yet.

Here is what I am going to do. I have made a promise to myself that for the next 12 months I am going to try and enjoy their paths. They are in that part of their life where they have so many opportunities that I will urge them to consider. Do the things you want to now before you are tied down with responsibilities and commitments. And when all of them are together with us we need to celebrate and enjoy that time because it does not happen often enough anymore.

 

Empty Nest No More

Just when I thought all the boys were gone and there would be a lot of quiet time for myself and Tracey, one child was back. Aidan, after the fall term in Ithaca, decided that the school was not the fit for him. It was an extremely difficult decision for him and he struggled with it the entire Christmas Break. We knew the Fall term was difficult for him as he was trying to find his way in the Ithaca community. The academics and the lacrosse went very well for him, but he just was not able to find his niche in the school social scene. He also was not fond of the lacrosse grind. He did all the work with lacrosse, but he sure was not enjoying the day to day demands of lacrosse. More importantly he came to the conclusion that being that far away from home was not fun anymore. One year at Cardigan and four years at Williston had come to be enough for him. We always knew that Aidan was a creature of comfort and he had reached his limit. Lacrosse to him became more of a chore than a joy so there was no pull in that area anymore.

A very tough choice was made and I knew he was having difficulty with it because he did not want to upset me. I was disappointed because he had worked so hard to get to this point in his life. I can remember when he was a young lacrosse player, getting beat up all over the floor as an undersized player. Then battling so hard to get the opportunity at Williston and working so hard in the fitness center to get stronger. It is now, over a month since he made the decision, that I feel happy with where he is at. He is working and looking at local college opportunities for the Fall. He is so much happier than he has been in a long time. Aidan’s lacrosse stick is in the corner untouched and that is perfectly fine. I know that him continuing at Ithaca was not going to be a positive experience. All the time he spent away from home has made him an independent thinker and has helped him grow into the person he is today.

The interesting thing about this whole change for Aidan was the support of his brothers. Tristan knew exactly the grind Aidan was going through and told me that if Aidan was not enjoying lacrosse at Ithaca it can really be difficult. As a student-athlete the challenges can be extremely tough and exhausting. You have to love it to make it through four years.

Dallyn is not in a position to question Aidan as he is just getting used to his own experience and the demands of Choate. I could tell over Christmas that Dallyn was so happy to be home.  He was not excited to get back on that flight back to the United States after the holidays. Seeing his friends, chilling out, sleeping in his own bed and having his pets around him were a great comfort. When he crawled into our bed the night before he left the sadness was overwhelming. That is always a difficulty transition for the boys, knowing the visit home is over.

Tristan has been a very supportive big brother lately. He has been respectful of Aidan’s decisions and wants what is best for Aidan. He also knows Dallyn’s challenges and has small tidbits of info for him as Dallyn navigates the prep school system. For himself, the lacrosse season has started, he is a Junior and over 50% of his college career is over. I want to be able to stop time. This can not be happening so fast that Tristan is now in his third year. Lacrosse, school, the serious girlfriend have taken control of his life and that dictates where he spends his time. I miss him a lot. He grew up so much away from us that I yearn for those times when he was  younger. When his problems were smaller and his needs were simpler.

All three of them are there for each other. They don’t lean on each other very much, but they all know they have each other. And they can always come back to the nest when ever they need. The door is always open.

 

Where’s Dallyn?

Can you find him?

Thanksgiving American Style

The American Thanksgiving 2017 brought two of the three boys home for the break. The oldest stayed at school to spend his time with the girlfriend Allie’s family. We are getting used to Tristan not coming home for Thanksgiving. For the other two I believe the break at home was well worth the travel time.

One thing is certain when any of the boys come home. Mom is ready to take care of them and they are open to all the attention. The refrigerator is stocked and the meals are large. The quiet house gets noisy and messy within minutes. And the cats and dog get more attention than usual. Chester, our labradoodle, was not home for the return of the boys as he was getting surgery for his torn ACL. When he hopped in the door we had to restrain everyone so he did not injure himself again. ACL surgery for dogs is very expensive and Aidan couldn’t do his regular dog smothering he likes to do.

As for every other break, this break came to an end quickly. Aidan left last Saturday night and Dallyn the next night. The joy of coming home was overcome with the trepidation of going back to school. That feeling then moves to sadness and then to acceptance that school and commitments beckon. I understand, being home is comfortable. It’s easy and so cozy. The dorm room, studying, cafeteria food and structure is not so comfortable. It’s tough saying goodbye from their end and it is tough on our end to watch them hurt. We deeply appreciate the brief time together and know that they will be back home very soon for a long Christmas vacation. We are definitely looking forward to seeing ALL of them very soon.

Wandering Thoughts

My coaching job takes me across Canada and the United States as I work with teams attending lacrosse tournaments. There are a lot of times I travel alone as I meet teams that are traveling from Edmonton. For example, I was with the Vimy Girls team in Toronto and Philadelphia last weekend and now I am in Delaware meeting a Boys High School team. In between the tournaments I was able to use the time down here to visit Aidan and Tristan. Unfortunately  for me I was unable to make a trip to see Dallyn this time.

When I am down here there is a significant amount of time driving as I move from event to event. Much of this time is spent on my own driving along highways as I move from Philadelphia to Bethlehem to Ithaca back to Bethlehem to New Castle to Philadelphia. Lots of miles getting around. Last time I was down here I was to fly out of Philadelphia, only to see my flight to Toronto get cancelled. Instead of waiting for the next day flight to Edmonton through Seattle, I rented a car and drove 10 hours straight through the night to Toronto. I was able to catch the 7 AM flight to Edmonton with a stop in Winnipeg.

All this idle time in the car can lead to some considerable thinking. I find myself at times remembering my kids as youngsters. The only problem with this is that I try so hard to remember them at certain points of their life that I can never get it right. It gets really hard to remember exact moments and times. I almost get mad at myself because I can not remember every Christmas morning, every Halloween costume and every mini sticks game. Yes, I can remember certain things, but memories start to merge together. Is this me? Am I losing my memory? There are times when I purposely need to stop thinking about things because I get so frustrated. Why can’t I remember everything? I catch myself spinning my mind around trying to remember all the details.

The funny thing about this is that the kids probably never think about this. I think it bothers me because they have grown up so much that I miss them as little kids. Where did all that time go? It is so far away from where I am now. It is almost scary. I am starting to get better about all of this and not dwell on the past and start enjoying the now and building new memories. It helps me get out of the funk and beating myself up for not remembering everything. I miss them so much as young kids, the laughter, the birthdays, the Halloweens. But you can not live in yesterday. Time to build new memories. Need to pull the old photo albums out.